14 FEB 05

ASSOCIATED PRESS
FAR EAST BUREAU, SEOUL

Today marked the first public acknowledgement by the 5th
Reconnaissance Squadron, Blackcats, of the death of their beloved mascot
Major Oscar I. Blackcat, Jr. In a news release this weekend the Blackcats
announced that Oscar passed last week due to complications from what they
said was "old age." Feline "age calculators" determined Oscar's age to be
116.

Born sometime in 1980-81, Oscar began in 1985 to serve in the 5 RS at
the rank of Sergeant while waiting for the "passage" of Oscar Sr. In May
1990 with the death of Oscar Sr, Oscar Jr. officially took over as the
squadron mascot in the rank of Master Sergeant. Eventually promoted to the
rank of Maj in 2002, Oscar dutifully defecated throughout the entire
squadron's compound. Services will be held Wednesday, 16 Feb.

The world community, saddened by the news has extended its sympathy.
Major cities throughout the world are holding candle light vigils, observing
moments of silence, and makeshift memorials are popping up around the globe.
Buddhist leaders, from throughout the Asian community, have assembled in
Hong Kong and are seeking spiritual guidance. Inside sources rumored they
will, in an unprecedented move, change the lunar year (which began this last
week) from the year of the cock, to year of the cat. Jinxie, the famed cat
from Meet the Parents and Meet the Fokkers said today, "He's the only other
God damned cat I know with an opposable thumb."

With funeral arrangements underway, many of the world's leaders have
publicly announced their planned attendance at the services. U.S. President
George W. Bush, former Presidents Bush, Clinton, & Carter, the Dali Lama,
the Pope, British Prime Minister Blair, North Korean dictator Kim Jung IL,
and Bill Murray have all stated their intent to attend.

Adding to the despair, Oscar Jr's heir apparent, Oscar III (aka:
"Oscar IV" aka "O.B.") will assume the position of squadron mascot amidst
controversy and speculation of his complicity in the untimely
deaths/disappearances of other felines destined for role of 5 RS mascot
ahead of him. Most notably, the death of "Soju," (previously destined, in
the late 90s to be Oscar Jr's replacement as Oscar III) as a result of a
highly suspicious high power electrical transformer "incident." No formal
charges were ever filed. A squadron official commented anonymously, "This
opens some old wounds that have been lost in the annals of our squadron
history. There is a conspiracy out there, and someone in the government
knows exactly what really happened to those other cats." Not unlike the
British Royal Family, there now is a lot of confusion over appropriate
mascot titles and lineage of the felines that have ascended to that
position. Confusion and conspiracy theories aside, the world has come
together to mourn this tragic loss to one of its greatest mascots.....

Major Oscar I. Blackcat, Jr...dead at the age of 116.